“I’m a gamer now!” I exclaim, right before switching off the console after playing for two hours. We’ve been playing a funny co-op game for couples. My girlfriend looks confused and says: “You know Michał, you have a tendency to prematurely label yourself, and with full confidence... You do it quite often.”
Shaping and understanding identity is a complex topic, and here I’d like to shed some light on my own parliament of identities.
Every Action is a Vote
I imagine identities as politicians elected by ongoing voting. Each action you make is a vote for an associated identity. You went for a run once, it’s a one vote, running 4 times a week is more than 200 votes over a year cast for the identity of being a runner.
Every few months I look at these cast votes, determining what my current identities are. These identities form political parties and have a say in my life. In a recent election, decided by my actions, the winning party was The Healthy Living Party. The Stoics Party followed close behind.
Changes in Identity
Identities in this parliament behave like politicians. They want to stay in power, so they try to change your perspective to be in line with theirs. For example, I haven’t managed people for quite some time, yet some lingering Manager Party politicians lobby me into introducing myself as a manager when meeting new people.
We like some of our identities so much that it’s difficult to let them go. However, it’s good to take a step back and analyse who you are at this moment in time.
Inversion
One of my favourite mental models, inversion, offers insight on how to change results. Our actions define our identity, so if we invert it: perform actions which suit your desired identity.
This year I wanted to gain the identity of “Public Speaker”. I started in January by submitting talk abstracts to every tech-leadership conference I could find. Then, after I got selected, I focused on preparing and practising, mostly daily, in order to get ready. In spring, I spoke at three conferences. All of these action votes were cast, and my new identity won its seat. I’ll need to do the same for next year to keep it in parliament.
Final Thoughts
I checked the definition of a gamer, and I wouldn’t put it in my bio. I’d need to play more games, and more often. However, a few votes have been cast, so maybe it’s waiting for the next election.
Which identities are ruling in your own parliament of identities?
Thanks for reading,
— Michał
P.S. There’s another dimension to look at identities through: we form opinions about other people based on their actions and how we perceive them. Some people may need 3 years of running to call themselves runners, or selling multiple paintings to call themselves artists. You’re assessing their identities, they’re assessing yours, both using non-standard and subjective measures. It’s fascinating how differently we vote.
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