On Listening - Leadership & Work

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. Of course it is not the reason, it is the solution by evolution, but the 2:1 ratio is worth remembering.

listening (Cambridge Dictionary) - to give attention to someone or something in order to hear him, her, or it.

Before reading and writing there was just speaking and listening to exchange information, when technology did not allow anything else. Thanks to this we have been able to cooperate together as a highly social species.

During conversations, do you know how often you talk? How much of the meeting is occupied by your voice? When and why you interrupt others? In this post, I share my advice on addressing these questions.

As a manager I had many meetings, and during one-on-one’s with my team members, listening was my priority. Here is where the 2:1 ratio comes into play, because two thirds of the meeting should be talking time of your team member and the rest is yours. Allowing them to speak builds the foundation of trust and agreement.

Two thirds of the meeting should be talking time of your team member and the rest is yours.

Attention

As Cambridge’s definition of listening states, we give attention, and that is key. This is the difference between hearing and listening. Making sure that we are present is the first step to level up our listening skills.

By focusing on improving our attention we can significantly improve our listening. It is easier to focus whilst sitting with someone in a conference room than through a computer screen. I worked solely remotely for 10 years, so most of my meetings were online. My advice stems from a remote work perspective.

To maintain your attention and focus:

• Make sure all your potential distractions are muted. The people you listen to will notice when you are distracted or doing something else.

• Show that you are present. If your hands are visible in the camera then this unconsciously signals that you are not doing anything else but listening. You can also nod along and maintain eye contact. To keep focus on the speaker you can repeat what they are saying in your head.

Let it Go

Imagine you are listening to someone carefully and suddenly your neurons fire unexpectedly and spark new thoughts. You stop listening and want to say out loud what has just popped up in your head. Can you relate to this? 

We tend to interrupt and inject our thoughts into the conversation, but our conversation partner does not need our interruptions. Blocking this was particularly difficult for me as I used to shoot down any fact if I saw an inconsistency.

In this case you have two options:

1. Let it go.

2. Immediately write it down somewhere to save it for later, and get back to listening.

Pauses are great for regrouping thoughts, and should not always be an opportunity to interrupt the flow of the conversation with your own input.

Replace judgement with curiosity. Shape your opinion later after the meeting when you have all of the data available. 

The Art of Listening

Listening is a skill that can be learnt. The art of listening is defined as a way of listening in which our conversation partners feel that they are being heard. This is a positive experience and something we should aim for.

I wish you the feeling of being heard.

Thanks for reading!

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PS Interesting categorisation of listening levels by Steven Covey: "5 levels of listening" (Perplexity.ai)

PPS A great video about The Art of Listening, by Simon Sinek

PPPS Having awareness of how often we talk is an interesting exercise. My goal is to keep a 2:1 ratio for each individual meeting with my team members. I used the “Talk Time” plugin for Google Meet to observe this ratio in real time.