To All The Control Freaks - The Cure From Stoics

It took me years to let go of the need to have control over everything.

I always want to know what is going to happen. All the time.

It took me years to let go of the need to have control over everything. The need is still there, but it doesn’t hurt as much when I’m not in control.

There is one philosophy that helps with overcoming this need.

Before I met my friend I thought of Stoicism as "wanting nothing and living in poverty". But this isn’t what Stoicism is about at all. It's about living a life with a certain set of rules and principles.

In this article, we'll focus on a Stoic’s perception of the need for control and how we can apply it to life and work.

full control / no control

Dichotomy

Stoics explain the concept of the dichotomy of control by dividing everything into two categories:

• Things you have full control over — Focus on these

• Things you have no control over — Ignore these

It helps while dealing with life and work. Accept that you won't be able to influence, change, or fight with things you have no control over.

For example, you have full control over, how you:

• communicate

• invest our time

• set goals

But you have no control over:

• other people

• economic downturns

• accidents that happen to you

Stoics don’t tell us to forget about everything that happens. Instead, they say we should accept that we cannot control it. This is normal, and we don’t need to fight it.

Trichotomy

William Irvine, in his book A Guide to the Good Life, introduced the third way of looking at it.

The third possibility is things that you can't fully control, but you can influence them.

There are things like the weather or the global economy that you can't control. But there are things like people you are working with on which you have some influence.

Examples of these three possibilities:

Full Control — Goal Settings

Stoics encourage us to set goals which are internally achievable, not externally achievable.

Make sure that your goals are within your control. For example, for Perspectiveship, my goal for 2024 is to publish 52 articles. This is completely in my control. It’s up to me to focus on writing and publishing.

Setting a goal of having X amount of money or 10,000 subscribers is something you can have some influence over, but not full control over. It depends on external factors, not just you.

It feels great to achieve goals only thanks to my effort. It can be 52 articles or running a half-marathon.

Achieving goals thanks to luck and various external factors may feel good. However, I find it difficult to truly cherish these achievements if they rely on good fortune.

Some Influence — People Leaving

The common saying, "People leave managers, not companies", is wrong.

We'd love to keep the best people with us, but they have different motivations, and we have no full control over them. For example, if someone has been driven by a company mission but it shifted due to the business environment, we can't help it. They will leave as soon as their and the company's values are misaligned.

However, we can address their motivations and try to influence how they feel at work.

I wrote about motivating people:

Churn, Attrition and Decay - Mental Model

No Control — Economic Downturn

In case of a market crash. You can't fight it. But make sure to plan things you control.

Focus on what you can control.

The company I worked for needed to do layoffs due to market downturn:

• I had no control over the market changes

• I had no control over the company's decision

• I had control over my reaction to it, and all the actions in the process

As a manager responsible for a few teams I focused on doing my best by communicating, explaining, and guiding those we let go through the entire process.

Some people were extremely frustrated and did not understand why we couldn't control the decision to fire people. I completely understand the sadness, frustration, and mixed emotions felt by those affected, including myself. However, expecting the company to control the market and prevent layoffs fully is exactly the kind of situation Stoics would advise us to let go of and focus instead on what we can control during such difficult times.

Summary

Stoicism shows the perspective that helps people stay calm and strong by focusing on what they can control and accepting what they cannot.

The cure is to focus on things you can control, and embrace the rest.

It's okay to let go and avoid being overly critical of yourself for things beyond your control.

Thanks for reading,

— Michał

---

Post Notes

Discover Weekly — Shoutouts

Articles that might help you explore new perspectives, which I’ve read recently:

• Competitive Programming Changed My Life Forever by

  Alberto Gonzalez

• 6 reasons why the senior leadership doesn't take you seriously by

  Anton Zaides
  and
  Wes Kao

• I read this book 3 times. Here are the main takeaways by

  Orel Zilberman

Connect

LinkedIn | Substack DM | Mentoring