Complaint Filed About People Complaining
The grass is always greener on the other side.
This is an example drawn from my own experience.
One developer complained that he didn't like Project A. He also complained about Project B and Project C. He said that the projects didn't provide him with enough challenges for personal growth.
Another developer enjoyed Project A and was happy with Project B. Project C provided him with so much experience that he broadcast how much he had learned.
They worked on the same projects. They had a similar level of experience. They worked on similar parts of the apps.
Why did their perceptions differ so much? It relates to one of the most important aspects of a team's morale — which we’ll cover in this article.
The Gravity of Negativity
The two developers had many things in common, except their mindset. The first emphasised everything that he disliked, while the second did the opposite, he made an effort to focus on the positive.
Is it good to spread a positive attitude?
Yes, provided it's not toxic positivity. A positive mindset is different from bending reality, or making it too distorted, too colourful, or overly optimistic.
Is it ever a good approach to spread negativity around?
No. Never.
A negative approach and chronic complaining won’t change the situation, and negativity spreads like a disease that can infect entire teams and damage morale.
Human Nature
We can't help it that we are more drawn to negative things.
Look at the news. Negatives equal danger, and being aware of potential threats helped us survive in the past. Now, the news bombards us with threats from across the globe, not just from our city or neighbourhood. Welcome to the world in which we didn't evolve to live.
I compare the spread of negative news with complaining. Both things draw our attention and negatively influence people. When we hear about a plane crash, we immediately are more scared of flying, even if it doesn’t change the safety of flights.
When someone complains about every aspect of a project, other people are starting to focus on negative aspects too.
The Strength of Complaining
I categorised types of complaints based on my experience with positive, neutral or negative effects on teams.
Positive:
Constructive feedback: People raise their comments, but are focused on specific issues, oriented on possible solutions with the message delivered respectfully.
Neutral:
Small-talk commentaries: Complaining about external factors that may affect the mood of people around, but don't harm their perception of the project. In Poland, we complain a lot about the weather for over half of the year, and it’s fine.
Negative:
Expression of frustrations: At some point, their constructive feedback, especially when ignored and without properly managing expectations, turns into frustration. When just a one-off it is neutral, but when repeated it is negative.
Chronic complaining: Complaining becomes a habit, often without offering any solutions.
Cynical disengagement: The last and the most destructive and contagious. Employees at this stage have no trust in the leadership and the organisation, which they manifest at every possible occasion.
I worked with people who expressed their complaints cynically on every weekly call. It felt discouraging and demotivating, for me and the teams. It required a reaction.
Difficult Conversations — Action
As leaders and managers, we aim to prevent behaviours that negatively influence teams. Spreading negativity is one to address. Avoiding difficult conversations is a mistake. It should be arranged when you first think of it, don't delay it.
This isn’t an extensive guide to difficult conversations with complaining people. Follow the rules of good feedback sessions, for example, presented by Radical Candor (covered by Tech Books).
Make sure to:
Prepare. Gather constructive feedback addressing commentaries not just from you but the whole team, it’s important to present the team's perspective.
Present how complaining affects teams. We are all different with different perceptions of the world, but we have to be aware that what we do and say influences other people. I’m not against free speech but norms should be followed. Work is a place where we earn money, we form organisations, and we work in teams. Frustrations, chronic complaining, and cynical disengagement are behaviours that should be addressed due to their strong influence on our teams.
These conversations aren’t easy. Present possible scenarios depend on possibilities within the organisation. But don’t be afraid to consider parting ways. The goal is to optimise the team’s performance.
Drawn from my experience:
Chronic complaining type. The developer described at the beginning who complained about projects wasn’t aware that he was perceived by the team as such a complainer. Sometimes a new perspective is all we need. He reflected and changed his approach.
Cynical disengagement type: Disengagement went too far. One of these engineers told me on our last call that “He didn’t expect anything good from the company anyway, and wasn’t surprised by layoffs”. There is no need to keep people at any cost. He found a better company, which was a good outcome for both parties.
If you look for opportunities to complain as a manager, Will Larson has some advice from his article on giving feedback:
“If you do want to complain, ah, I mean provide commentary, external friends and colleagues are the best recipients.”
— Will Larson, “Constraints on giving feedback”
Summary
People who complain are often just afraid to take ownership of the situation. I try to remind myself of this each time I catch myself complaining. Sometimes it is impossible to control everything, but we can control whether we complain or not, and what we do about it next.
Thanks for reading,
— Michał
Post Notes
Catalogue of Mental Models:
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Discover Weekly — Shoutouts
Articles that might help you explore new perspectives, which I have read recently:
"3 genius marketing tips for software engineers" from Leading Developers by Tom Orbach and Anton Zaides
"How the engineering market changed since 2006" from Code.Lead.Succeed by Dariusz Sadowski
"Why End-to-End Ownership Is Your Competitive Edge (And How to Master It)" from Enginuity by Samuel Kollát
"Tips to become 10x better in Tech Interviews" from Leadership Letters by Gourav Khanijoe
Great post. Very relatable to what I'm seeing on my team. What I notice is that people who complain also find ways to justify it even if it has negative impact on others. "But don't I have the right to express myself", or "I'm a human". What worked me for was linking it back to an impact on themselves.
I’d add here as well another type of negative attitude: deeply rooted skepticism. It is especially seen well in well established organizations with mature employees. Some of those dinosaurs become an anchor for teams - constantly torpedoing new ideas and initiatives „it won’t work”, „not in this organization” „you will see” - it is not complaining per se but definitely a toxic discouragement. Anyway - good food for thought Michał!