On Managing Expectations - Leadership & Work

When people casually ask me what I do as an engineering manager: I answer that I'm in the business of managing expectations.

expectation (Cambridge Dictionary) - 1. the feeling that good things are going to happen in the future; 2. the feeling of expecting something to happen.

Have you ever felt disappointed when someone promised you something? A salary raise, good development plan, or just doing something for you, but it was not delivered as promised? In that moment you felt the negative power of missed expectations.

To practise what I preach and keep your expectations about this post clear: I do not have a silver bullet that will change your life in any drastic manner. I simply aim to highlight the importance of expectations and give you advice.

Stoic philosophers preach that true happiness is achieved when we get rid of all our expectations.

Stoics

One definition of expectation taken from Cambridge Dictionary states that we expect “good things” to happen so it is crucial to understand why we feel bad when expectations are not met. Building on top of what Daniel Kahneman researched in the book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, we perceive losses much stronger than gains, so losing money is perceived much stronger than losing unrealised gains we have, even if it is an equal amount. Translating this into expectations, when we feel that these expectations are not met then we feel like we have lost something, a loss of something that was promised and which we already took for granted. That is why it hurts and we feel disappointed. This feeling is just a tip of the iceberg. Unmet expectations can lead to feelings of betrayal, cognitive dissonance or feelings of loss of control and predictability.

Stoic philosophers preach that true happiness is achieved when we get rid of all our expectations. So, as long as people around you are not stoic philosophers, you have to keep in mind the importance of managing expectations.

A need for understanding other people’s expectations was always on my radar, not just while being a manager but also in every other walk of life. What I learnt as a leader is that clear expectations are key to keeping your team happy.

Sender

The biggest partner in crime for missed expectations is unclear communication, which means that the antidote is clear communication.

Follow these steps to make sure that expectations are clear:

• Be realistic about the future. Overconfidence will build up expectations. If there are a lot of uncertainties, state clearly what is certain and what is uncertain.

• Point out what you don’t know. Give as much context as you can. If you leave too many unaddressed gaps, people will fill these gaps with their own projections of which you have no control over.

You can manage expectations better if you know your audience (as highlighted in my 3-step framework from On Writing at Work). The more you understand your team, the better.

Receiver

If you receive any kind of message that builds up your expectations, be sure not to confuse people’s confidence with credibility. We put more emphasis on strong and confident statements and often confuse this confidence with knowledge or authority.

You will fill any gaps in information with your own projections - be aware of this and make sure to clarify any doubts.

I wish you clear and fulfilled expectations.

Thanks for reading!